Dating is Miserable but it’ll get you laid

I was probably doomed anyway.

My friend Cy posted on her tumblr a link to this article on The Daily Beast about the 15 Signs You'll Get Divorced.

1. If you're a woman who got married before the age of eighteen, your marriage faces a 48 percent likelihood of divorce within ten years.
Phew! I'm an old maid and now proud of it!

2. If you're a woman who wants a child—either a first child or an additional child—much more strongly than your spouse does, your marriage is more than twice as likely to end in divorce as the marriages of couples who agree on how much they do or don't want a child.
FirstName LastName and I are both pretty "maybe" about kids.

3. If you have two sons, you face a 36.9 percent likelihood of divorce, but if you have two daughters, the likelihood rises to 43.1 percent.
Okay so just one child.  Got it.

(Note To Sister: YOU'RE SCREWED)

4. If you're a man with high basal testosterone, you're 43 percent more likely to get divorced than men with low testosterone levels.
Have FirstName LastName's testosterone levels checked - DONE
If too high start feeding him ridiculous amounts of soy. I don't give a crap how many people say men who eat a lot of soy don't have testosterone problems, I know 4, all who were vegetarians as children, who do!

5. If your child has been diagnosed with ADHD, you are 22.7 percent more likely to divorce before that child turns eight years old than parents of a child without ADHD.
Explains my parents divorce. THANKS TO MY BROTHER! Woo Hoo, not my fault after all!

6. If you are currently married but have cohabited with a lover other than your current spouse, you are slightly more than twice as likely to divorce than someone who has never cohabited.
Crap.

7. If you didn't smile for photographs early in life, your marriage is five times more likely to end in divorce than if you smiled intensely in early photographs.
Ummmm, I think I'm okay - (1, 2, 3, 4)

8. If your child has died after the twentieth week of pregnancy, during labor, or soon after labor, you are 40 percent more likely to divorce than if you had not lost a child.
TBD.

9. If you're a woman who has recently been diagnosed with cancer or multiple sclerosis, your marriage is six times more likely to end in divorce than if your husband had been diagnosed with those diseases instead.
'Cause men are shady bastards and can't deal when people get sick. **Fingers Crossed**

10. If you're a Caucasian woman and you're separated from your spouse, there's a 98 percent chance that you'll be divorced within six years of that separation; if you're a Hispanic woman, the likelihood is 80 percent; if you're an African-American woman, the likelihood is 72 percent.
Kill Whitey!

11. If you're a dancer or choreographer, you face a 43.05 percent likelihood of divorce, compared with mathematicians, who face a 19.15 percent likelihood, and animal trainers, who face a 22.5 percent likelihood.
Guess I'm going back to school to be a mathematician. 2 + 2 is still 4, right?

12. If you're a farmer or rancher, you face only a 7.63 percent likelihood of divorce, joined by other low-risk occupations such as nuclear engineers, who face a 7.29 percent likelihood, and optometrists, who face a mere 4.01 percent likelihood.
Fuck numbers! I am going to become a cow optometrist!

13. If either you or your spouse have suffered a brain injury, your marriage faces a 17 percent chance of ending in divorce.
Does spinal meningitis here?

14. If you're an African-American woman, your first marriage has a 47 percent likelihood of ending in divorce within ten years; for Hispanic women, the likelihood is 34 percent; for Caucasian women, it's 32 percent; for Asian women, it's 20 percent.
Hrmph.

15. If you're a woman serving actively in the military, your marriage is 250 percent more likely to end in divorce than that of a man serving actively in the military.
Thankfully, that will never be a problem. Also, men suck. They don't stick around when things get tough!