2. FirstName LastName told me he feels he would get to know me better by following what I post on my social media sites. Here is what I think he would learn.
2a) I was in New Orleans for a few days
2b) I ate a lot while in New Orleans
2c) I had an interesting trip home from New Orleans.
2d) I hang out with my friend Donnelly a lot when cameras are around!
2e) I love stupid youtube videos.
2f) I say "dude" a lot.
3. My friend Jenny who sends me articles about being too picky with subject lines like "something for your blog to help out those of us who are still miserably dating (since you don't seem to have much inspiration anymore because you are so blissfully happy)"
4. Jane Lynch. Most recently in this video for a spoofed iPhone ad
The fabulous Stephdub and I will be on Pirate Cat Radio from 8:00 - 10:00 PM tonight! You can tune in either on 89.7 FM or http://www.piratecatradio.com!
First up, BIG NEWS:This Wednesday (May26th) from 8:00 - 10:00 PM (PST) I will be a guest, again, on the infamous Date Night with Stephdub! You can tune in on 89.3 FM if you're in San Francisco or you can listen at http://www.piratecatradio.com/. If you need to be reminded you can RSVP on Facebook! You can also hear my first appearance here! So many links. So little time!
3 Signs You May Be In a Successful Relationship
1. He accidentally feeds you cinnamon (which you are allergic to) and despite the fact you aren't really angry he drugs you on benadryl and gives you the best back massage ever.
2. After 3 glasses of wine you tell him about your recurring poop dream. His reaction is to laugh and send you a text the next morning while he's at work thanking you for quote "not crapping in my bed".
3. After he calls you his girlfriend for the first time and kisses you he is not offended or upset when you push his face away and scream, "EW!!! THAT SOUNDED LIKE A FEELING! FEELINGS HAVE COOTIES! COOTIES MAKE YOU BARF".
I probably didn't introduce FirstName LastName to my running friends in the most appropriate and/or mellow of situations. Lots of people. A metric ton of alcohol. Loud music. And to top it all off, he was slightly concerned my friends might be very young and immature because **gasp** FirstName LastName is 11 years older than I am!!!
So it didn't help when he arrived at the house where we started the night out he was greeted with some random person throwing up outside of the party with some guy who looked like the president of the League of Junior Gang Bangers. I still have no idea who those people were or why they were at the house :-/
While FirstName LastName liked my running friends I think he is concerned I may be a secret raging alcoholic (I totally am....but he doesn't need to know that yet now does he?) which makes him just ever so leery.
ANYWAY, on one of our first dates we talked about birthdays and how we both totally love them. He likes to go out of town and do something active. I like to stay home and throw huge parties. He told me to mark my calendar for his birthday because if we were still together he'd like me to go with him. So Tuesday night while I was in the shower it suddenly dawned on me.
FirstName LastName's birthday is the same day as my next half marathon.
This normally wouldn't be a big deal as I would just train for the race and not run it but you see, this training season I've decided to fundraise for Larkin Street Youth Services which means I am more than committed to running the race.
Which, by the way, if you feel the need to donate to my fundraising efforts, and to an organization providing the full spectrum of services needed to help San Francisco’s most vulnerable youth move beyond life on the street, you can do so >HERE<. You will also receive the most kick ass thank you card from me! Or if your company desperately needs to sponsor me or match me dollar for dollar you can e-mail me here. Or if you're an apparel company and want to work out a promotional deal I'm open to that as well. Basically what I am saying is I'm willing to whore myself and my blog out for donations!!DONATE DONATE DONATE...please?
As I was saying, FirstName LastName's birthday is the same day as the half marathon I am morally obligated to run. I told him the second I realized it (wearing nothing but a towel in the hopes he wouldn't be able to get angry at a scantily clad woman) and he gave me his usual "really it's no big deal" smile....even though I know it is a big deal but he's just too nice of a guy to tell me. No matter what, it's a big deal to me even if it isn't a big deal to him.
Should I feel as bad about this as I do? WHAT DO I DO?!?!?!
I'm the newest face of I Live Here: SF today! Go check out what I wrote and many dorky pictures of me (taken by the fabulous Julie) walking around my neighborhood.
I get a surprisingly large amount of email from my readers asking random questions. I thought it would be somewhat amusing if every once in awhile I answered a few of them. I've also included some questions that relate to the most popular search terms used to find my site.
1. Where do you meet these guys?!
Contrary to popular belief I do not pick men up in bars. I've met them on the internet, through friends, at bars twice, my running group etc. There is no stock answer where NOT to meet crazy people.
And if there is I don't know about it.
2. Considering the men you find yourself choosing, do you in fact actually want a relationship?
Up until recently, absolutely. As of right this second, I barely want to be in a room with a man. There are only so many negative experiences one person can manage without going insane and wearing cat sweatshirts.
3. So...do you want to go out on a date, NOW?
Only one man has been able to lure me out of the warm barrier I call my computer. I can't imagine I would do it again (had nothing to do with him) but thank you for asking. Now please stop asking.
3. What should I do after being stood up?
A shot of whiskey.
You were stood up for a reason that probably has nothing to do with you. Do not contact the person in any way. If the person who stood you up wishes to make amends THEY have to make the first move. That (and what I'm about to say) is something I have to remind myself constantly.
If you have been hurt or wronged it is not your responsibility to attempt to rectify the situation.
4. Would you like to review my book/tv show/dating service?
Yes I would!
5. What is it really like having your dating life so open?
In one word, weird.
Let's go over a typical day (yesterday) in my life.
8:30 AM - hit snooze 700 times. 9:45 AM - Talk to my sister 10:00 AM - Get to "real job" 10:00 AM - 1:30 PM - talk to lady friends about how amazing their boyfriends are, my latest miserable dating experience, and Lady Gaga while writing annoying blog posts that only I think are funny. 1:30 PM - Realize I haven't eaten all day and run out to get food before I pass out and die 1:35 PM - Talk to sister. 2:00 PM - 5:30 PM - Twitter, Facebook, write more blog posts for future use that never see the light of day, and gchat to friends in ALL CAPS to express frustrations while pretending I actually have stuff to do at work. 5:35 PM - Talk to sister 6:00 PM - Find out I don't have dinner reservations as previously thought and was only on a waiting list. 6:05 PM - Decide to visit Rachel and her boyfriend in the East Bay. 6:10 PM - Talk to sister. 7:30 PM - Am finally introduced to Rachel's boyfriend's friend who I "just HAVE to meet". Feel awkward, pudgy, and uninteresting. Think he is cute, nice, shy and uninterested 8:15 PM - Drunk. Think about calling sister. 11:10 PM - On BART. Think about calling sister. 12:20 AM - Am outraged to discover friend has been trashing my blog and, more importantly, me to a group of mutual friends. 12:22 AM - Send strongly worded text message to friend. 12:23 AM - Very proud of self for drunkenly using "disdain" correctly in a sentence. 12:25 AM - Con friend/neighbor into going to the bar so I can complain about Mr. "I don't want anything serious. Oh just kidding! I have a girlfriend even though I bangedyou. Sorry for lying and being a jerk of a friend", the recent blow up we had, the fact he hasn't called, feelings of inadequacy, and depression caused by feelings of friend loss. 12:30 AM - End up discussing friend/neighbor's "amazing boyfriend" instead. 12:35 AM - Want to shoot self in face. 12:37 AM - Drink more. 12:38 AM - Remember I'm on a self imposed no-booze until my 1/2 Marathon in May. 12:39 AM - Drink anyway. 1:40 AM - Think about texting Mr. "I don't want anything serious. Oh just kidding! I have a girlfriend even though I bangedyou. Sorry for lying and being a jerk of a friend" to ask if we're "not talking" or just not talking. 1:40:05 AM - Remember NO DOUCHEBAGGERY 2010! 1:41 AM - Have drunken text conversation with male friend who routinely restores my faith in men. 1:42 AM - Blacked Out Drunk Friend hits on me with seemingly serious offer to cheat on girlfriend 1:43 AM - Begin to truly despise all males. 2:00 AM - Eat pizza. 2:05 AM - Feel better 2:10 AM - Drunkenly read blog comments telling me what a shite dater I am. 2:12 AM - HATE EVERYONE 2:13 AM - Remember that I really am a shite dater. 2:15 AM - Pass out watching Ella Enchanted. 8:30 AM - Wake up completely confused as to what Ella Enchanted is and why I was watching it.
Neil Strauss has been ruining my life since I was 15.
In high school I borrowed The Long Hard Road Out of Hell from a friend to read during Silent Reading in English a few mere weeks before the Columbine shootings. Shortly after Columbine the same friend was expelled for having a "Hit List" posted on his website and every school authority figure began scrutinizing the wardrobe, reading material, music selections, and piercings of the student body. My reading selection, and most importantly its origin, was not approved and I narrowly escaped suspension.
3 years ago on a flight to Las Vegas I was reading How To Make Love Like A Porn Star. I was so engrossed in the book I failed to realize on the opposite page was a rather lurid nude photo of Jenna Jameson. The nice older (late 60's or early 70's) woman sitting to my right was not amused. I was so incredibly mortified when she lectured me on the way a proper lady should act and demanded I put the book away.
Around the same time as the Vegas flight I was reading The Dirt and found I literally couldn't take the book out in public because every single man I encountered would stop me to ask about it. This would have been amazing had I been single at the time. Note To Women: That book is a dude magnet.
And you don't even want to get me started on what The Game has done to men and dating.
So when my friend Chris forwarded me the following e-mail with a note saying "We should send something in" I was most interested in the slight chance of meeting the man, and his minions, who had caused me so much trouble.
As you know Style has been traveling the world working on a new book. But in a few days he'll be back in L.A. and ready to party like there is no tomorrow for the Stylelife Anniversary.
This Saturday March 27 Style will be hosting the official Stylelife Anniversary party at the hottest club in Hollywood, and he's offering you a spot on the VIP list. The club which is always packed is giving us a small limited number of free spots to give out to friends. So if you want to be on that exclusive list here's the checklist of what you need to do:
a. Be absolutely certain you're free this Saturday night...don't put your name down and then not be able to show.
b. You must be accompanied by a female friend or date this is, after all, a hot club, not a seduction lair meeting. If you don't have a date right now, then stop reading and go sarge one!
c. Finally, if you can meet the two conditions above,send us an email right now to with the headline: STYLELIFE ANNIVERSARY PARTY. Along with your request, include your full name. And just for fun in the body of your email in 100 words or less tell us what you would get Stylelife for its birthday?
Your friend,
The Sneak
So Chris and I sent in our answer (For Stylelife's birthday I would get it a fine suit, a well mixed cocktail, and a blow job from the coat check girl and and her sister, but you know... only if she's hot.) and we were both very intrigued and surprised to receive:
Amanda & Christopher,
Loved the response. You guys are in!
We will be meeting up at Neil's house @ 8:30pm PST tomorrow night (Sat. March 27).
From there we will be headed out to a club in West Hollywood called Trousdale.
There is very limited space on the guest list so please only bring yourselves.
Congrats, I look forward to meeting you.
If you have any trouble finding the place you can phone me on my cell.
-XXXXXX, Stylelife Marketing Director
Now before this Chris and I had only been half serious about going, but the opportunity to go to Neil Strauss's house was something we couldn't pass up. Cue last minute rental car acquiring and getting 3/4 of the way to Los Angeles before realizing we didn't have a hotel.
Now here is the part you've been waiting for. Here is the part where I tell you the house was some PR stunt rental and there were hundreds of people vying for Neil's attention. The part where I graphically depict all the cavorting strippers and porn stars doing lines of blow off one another. The part where I tell you I felt like I had been lead into some kind of sex lair and disgusting sleazy slimeball men hit on me all night.
Except none of that happened.
Chris and I arrived at Neil's modest yet still impressive home and were quickly ushered in to the 20-ish person party by the Marketing Director and introduced to Neil. Neil was completely warm, mixed us a drink himself, introduced us to the crowd (primarily consisting of his friends and employees), and showed us around his house (including his framed hate mail from Phil Collins!).
Neil was surprising. Sure I had seen him do interviews where he comes across as nice, funny, and mild mannered but I assumed the man who wrote The Game had an inner evil so black and predatory it would run you over in person. Neil's girlfriend was an even bigger surprise. I assumed she'd be hot, young, and vapid. The first two were incredibly true but the latter was not. She was just as warm and friendly as Neil came across and she makes amazing beef jerky.
That's not a euphemism for anything.
Neil and his girlfriend had made beef jerky for everyone and at one point his girlfriend practically force fed me a chocolate tortilla chip. The party, Neil, and his "entourage" were nothing like I expected. I also think there were only 2 other "couples" there who didn't know Neil before that night. Small. Intimate. Completely lacking in douchebaggery.
Even moving to the club surprised me. I fully expected to get to the club, say a quick hello to the group, Chris and I would grab a drink while they all hung out, and we'd head home but au contraire! We swung by the table to say hi and Neil immediately threw out an "Amanda, sit!!! Meet my friend Jessica!" (who was a an absolute delight) and Chris and I hung out with them until I had drank way too much
Sidebar: After drinking too much and hearing Tik Tok approximately 20 times on the drive down to LA, there is now video of me, that will never see the light of day, asking Chris if he knows what Cheerios are made of and then answering with "Whoa-oh-oh-ohs". Almost as good as when Zane sent me a text saying "Found a great burger joint in NYC but it was ruined when they started playing Lady Gaga" and I responded with "Didn't you order your burger RAW RAW RAW RAW RAW??".
Also, can someone explain to me why EVERY STRAIGHT MAN I KNOW TURNS JUST A TAD GAY WHEN THEY HEAR TIK TOK!?!? Seriously Chris, The Dude, and about 4 other male friends of mine start busting out the most righteous dance moves when they hear that song. It is a mystery of modern science!
ANYWAY, Chris and I hung out with them until I had drank way too much, everyone else was making out with their significant others, and Chris looked exhausted.
That's it. End of Story. It was a fantastic party and a pleasure to meet a writer I really admire who reminded me of the old adage you can't judge a book by its cover.
Last night I attended the Thread.Com: My Eligible Friends Mixer. Thread.com is a dating site which follows the theory the best way to meet people is through friends. Thread, using Facebook connect, makes it that much easier to find your common thread. It also plays right into my love of internet stalking.
True to the nature of the site, you had to be invited by a friend and my lovely friend Keane invited me. I was a little weary of attending a meat market type singles event but was put to ease when I realized how many people I knew and knew of.
Thread had the right idea about meeting friends of friends. Conversation was much easier when the icebreaker was something as easy as "who do you know?" which lead into "how funny, she's my running friend's friend's roommate" which lead into funny stories and events you both were at. Introductions were even easy as I saw a few men come up to our mutual friend(s) and make a cute little gesture and mouth the words "introduce me".
Thread kept the event light, flowing and fun with free drinks, a raffle, and ice breaker games.
Though I didn't make any real connections, as 1) I had somewhere to be at 8:00 PM, 2) I put off a "not interested" vibe by wearing my You're Not My Type t-shirt from Headline Shirts (though I did find out the translations are correct! I also found out I'm the only person who knows it says F*CK OFF in sign language). and 3) I realize how NOT into dating I am as I either want the whole boyfriend shebang or absolutely no emotions whatsoever (HELLO WALKING CONTRADICTION!). This middle ground casually dating bullshit is just that, bullshit, I still had a wonderful time and would recommend any of the events you can get an invite to.
Congratulations to Jimmy, Holly, and philb61, the winners of my Headline Shirts give away! I will be in touch with the winners about collecting their funny t-shirts from Headline Shirts! Thanks everyone for the re-tweets and submitting your embarrassing stories!
