“in” love
My friend, Bonnie, asked me a question the other day about dating to which I had/have absolutely no answer for.
"What is the difference, if any, between "I love you" and "I'm in love with you" in regards to a significant other?"
As per my usual bumbling self, I couldn't come up with a great answer or definition. I felt like this highly intoxicated kid trying to explain whether the chicken or the egg came first, or the theory of relativity, or where the best shwarma is in Isla Vista......actually I have no idea what that kid was trying to explain but it's really funny.
Where was I? Oh yes, so my friend Bonnie posed the question of "love" vs "in love" to me and I got all Robin SparklesScherbatsky with the "but...um" attempt at definition.
So help a girl out and give her a better definition than I could!
Moral Dilemma of the Day
"Boys are like buses. There are either none, or a bunch at once".
I am so fucked in the head sometimes. Douchey McDouche (as he has been dubbed by several friends) came over to talk last night. I realize this strongly goes against my No Douchebaggery 2010 campaign but I actually called him. While replaying the sobbing-inducing conversation over and over and over and over in my head I thought I may have struck upon the root of the issue so I called him to talk about things.
And I was right.
And now I'm stuck in this evil headspace of:
Because FirstName LastName gets back on Saturday and I feel like I can either say to Douchey McDouche, "fuck it I think we should try actually dating since we've already spent this much time together, I'm already emotionally vested and I actually think you're pretty amazing since you've let me in" or I can give FirstName LastName a shot because he is probably going to be really good for me.
Seriously dating both of them just isn't an option I (nor either one of them, I'm sure) am willing to consider.
All of this has me in a complete mindfuck because today's post was originally going to be:

I don't know, what do you guys think?
HELP!
"We now have a more special date on Thursday. Could you by chance be at [BART LOCATION] by 6:00 PM on [DAY]? Wear something warm and comfortable. We may have to walk a couple of blocks but not too much. Not going anywhere fancy and will be sitting some. - FirstName LastName"
WHAT SHOULD I WEAR?!?!?!
Any guesses on where he is taking me?
The Great Lingerie Debate
My least favorite word on the planet is "the p word". No, not that p word. The p word some people use to describe women's underwear. That word literally makes me feel like I'm going to throw up as images of child molesters dance in my head.
This probably plays into my complete confusion regarding lingerie. I just don't get it as evident by my recent conversation with a friend who was planning a steamy night with her boyfriend.
Friend: OK!
i'm going to buy a silk romper
put a brisket in the oven
me: wtf is a romper?
Friend: OMG GIRL
hld pls for the sexiest easiest lingerie you've ever worn in yr life
me: umm I don't nor have I ever nor do I plan on ever buying lingerie #reasonswhyimsingle
Friend: WAT?
me: yeah i don't understand the concept of it
I mean I "get" the concept of it but I don't understand why you'd spend money to take something off
Friend: well you don't take it off immediately. unless you are a stripper. there is an art to it. some finesse is required.
me: yeah I'd just feel like an ass
Friend: well, i do a lot of shit that should make me feel like an ass. talking dirty. weird sex positions with legs bent backwards. etc
at some point i think i just decided to sack up
me: i'm still not sold.
Friend: it depends on the man. [Friend's Boyfriend] will appreciate some effort and some aesthetic shit because he is an [Astrological Sign] and whatnot. the brutes really do not care.
me: wait...now I have to scope out a man's astrological sign when deciding on underwear.
fuck, this shit is hard.
So......
[poll id="3"]
Filed Under: Boy Shorts Rule
Someone for the love of all that is holy prove me right!
An ex I'm still friends with and I were just discussing lunch options. An innocent lunch conversation morphed into a fight about how he still doesn't believe he dumped me. I have decided to let my readers be the judge of this 3 -4 year long argument.
Ex: We can get Taco Bell with AS MUCH FIRE SAUCE AS WE WANT
me: hahahah I love you for your bizareness!
Ex: I am way more than my bizarreness
me: I know
Ex: I am also a good listener, I hug well, and I like to buy drinks. I'm also a good cook
me: you never cooked for me
Ex: well you dumped me before I had the chance!
me: wait....i dumped you?!?!?! ummm I do believe your last words to me before not talking to me for about 6 weeks were "hanging out with you has gone from something I enjoy to a chore"
Ex: you were real bitchy!
me: you can be incredibly stubborn and stuck in your ways!
Ex: you were obsessed with defining everything!
me : Ummmm I believe I brought that question up once. Then all of a sudden every time we had plans your ex came over, your ex needed you, your ex slept over and it bothered me. So, I stand by my statement, when you tell a girl "hanging out with you is a chore" and stop talking to her. THAT IS BREAKING UP WITH HER
[poll id="2"]
Odd middle of the night question.
I was facebook stalking a bunch of people tonight and came across a recent picture of The Rockstar that struck me as utterly fascinating.
See that jacket? That jacket was a Christmas gift from me almost 7 years ago.
I started looking around my apartment and realized outside of a dress I wore once in Vegas 5 years ago, my luggage, and a book I will never read again I own absolutely nothing from my exes. No pictures, no leftover shirts, no jewelry, no cards, no gifts. NOTHING. I think I've even deleted all the photos from my main computer.
Is that weird?
Men are from Uranus.
Friday night I held an impromptu and very small girls' night at my house. Donnelly stayed over so we could leave on time for running and Jenny, my running BFF, joined us for a few hours of bitching, watching me bake, sparkling wine, and Chinese food.
When you get a group of women together inevitably they will talk about men. Outside of a few stellar twitter worthy gems (1, 2, 3, 4) and a total bizarre post that stemmed from a discussion on this post we did actually get into a worthwhile conversation about men. We realized most of the male-female confusion derives from two completely different sets of relationship definitions.
Observe.
Friend
Women: A person attached to another by feelings of platonic affection or personal regard.
Men: A term used when you are embarrassed to introduce the girl you are seeing to your friends, family, colleagues, etc.
How a Mistranslation Can Get You Into Trouble: It will inevitably bring up the "What are we doing?" conversation (see below).
"Hanging Out"
Women: What one does with a platonic friend.
Men: A term used to define participating in activities with a girl in the hopes of having sex with little to no emotional attachment.
How a Mistranslation Can Get You Into Trouble: One of my girlfriends was seeing this guy awhile back. Things started off really great: they shared some of the same interests, he called when he said he would, and, here is the clincher, he introduced her to his mother. Suddenly, he became really distant and said he wasn't looking for a relationship but hoped they could still hang out (man definition). My friend took his statement under the female definition and was utterly shocked when the next time they hung out (woman definition) he kissed her and invited her to stay the night.
Friends with Benefits
Women: A mutually beneficial sexual arrangement with a person with whom you are attached to by platonic feelings of affection or personal regard.
Men: A term used to allow men to treat a woman like a second class citizen yet still call her for sex when he's drunk
How a Mistranslation Can Get You Into Trouble: I have heard this from women over and over again, they are happy and not in love with the person they are having sex with BUT the guy is incredibly hostile and/or absent during non-bedroom time. The term "Friends with Benefits" starts with friend, gentlemen.
Note To Men: Most women can handle this type of relationship without falling in love with you as you aren't that great anyway. You don't need to put up an asshole barrier to make this type of arrangement work.
Dating
Women: A romantic relationship between the "banging" and "boyfriend/girlfriend" stage. It may or may not be monogamous.
Men: An excuse to lead on a ton of women.
How a Mistranslation Can Get You Into Trouble: See The Brohammer Saga.
Boyfriend/Girlfriend
Women: An emotionally mutually beneficial monogamous relationship.
Men: DEATH.
How a Mistranslation Can Get You Into Trouble: See here
"What are we doing?"
Women: A question used to gauge the expectations of the other person in the relationship.
Men: A way for a woman to say she wants to be your girlfriend.
How a Mistranslation Can Get You Into Trouble: I realize with this guy, my ever smooth and always put together drunken reaction was more of a "It's not that I want to go to the prom but it would be nice to be asked" kind of deal. I really wasn't fishing for some kind of Relationship (please note the capital R) I was simply gauging his expectations so I could set mine accordingly and decide whether or not I was interested in continuing anything with him.
Filed Under: retrospect
People might misunderstand what we’re tryin’ to say, you know? No, but that’s a part of life
Last night I was chatting with a friend over gchat about sex and relationships.
Friend: I made a dude cry once cause he couldn't get it up
It was the second date and he came WAY too soon and then cried.
me: I once dated this guy who couldn't get it up so he broke up with me.
Then we got back together and he couldn't get off so he broke up with me again
Dudes and their sex issues
Friend: Yep although this dude had the smallest penis I've ever seen so I wasn't too disappointed it didn't work out.
me: ugh the smallest one I ever saw I couldn't go through with it
Friend: Ha ha. Neither could I because he couldn't get it up
me: oh dude
wtf
the penis is so fucking weird
I'm going asexual
Friend: Ha ha.
The sex incompatibility discussion reminded me of a topic briefly discussed on my appearance on Date Night (R.I.P.) with Steph Dub. Bryan and Steph rhapsodized having good sexual chemistry wasn't imperative to a healthy romantic relationship while I strongly disagreed. I believe the point I made was, I can go out to dinner with a friend or call my sister for emotional support but I can't (nor do I want to) have sex with the people in my life I don't have romantic feelings for.To me, sex is one of the more important defining factors in a romantic relationship.
Which brings me to my question of the day, could you date someone you liked in every way but were completely sexually incompatible with?
Choose Your Own Adventure: Advice Edition
I've been getting a lot of advice lately while trying to figure out my entire life. It's all very confusing.
"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."
"Diamonds are a girl's best friend"
"Third time's the charm"
"Avoid the clap - Jimmy Dugan"
"Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, 'Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?' Jesus answered, 'I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times'."
I just have to wonder how you pick which advice to take. Any suggestions?




