Dating is Miserable but it’ll get you laid

Who in the fluff put Keith Sweat’s ‘Nobody’ on my iTunes?!?!

For some unknown reason I've been thinking a lot about this clip of Whoopi Goldberg innocently kissing Katy Perry on the view. It infuriates me in many many ways. This was a great opportunity for Katy to go from stupid pop star to some kind of gay rights icon/activist. When  Sherri "The World Is Flat" Shepherd asked Katy about the controversy with her songs and how they "encourage girls to experiment" and "might be homophobic"  the correct answer should have been "Experimenting and discovering your sexuality is an important part of growing up. As long as you are safe in all aspects I think experimenting is perfectly okay. Ur So Gay is just a song about a girl being really frustrated with a guy she loves. How many times have you said something in anger you didn't mean?" not "OMG how crazy was that when Madonna said I had the song of the summer?!?! It was like her poster popped out and said 'You are the chosen one'"... ::blink blink::

Seriously, get some new PR people honey.

To the disappointment of men everywhere, I honestly don't think "I Kissed A Girl" is going to make teenage girls start kissing. It's similar to how George Michael's "I Want Your Sex" didn't cause an epidemic of sex. People have been having crazy sex since the beginning of time. Everything you can do has already been done, probably video taped, and is tired. You haven't been able to shock anyone in at least 4 decades when it comes to sex, except for 2 Girls 1 Cup. I don't think anyone saw that shit coming. o.0 (pun intended)

Not one song I have ever heard has influenced my decision to make out with girls...and I've made out with a lot of girls....like A LOT. It's just experimenting/being a drunk ass/having fun. I think it's better to do stupid experimental shit now. I mean at 23 I know there isn't a drug I'm addicted to and I am most definitely straight. No amount of soulless pop music or sex on tv has ever made me, even for a second, contemplate pearl diving in the meat curtain bay. Visualizing phrases like "oh hello hugh jackman, please hugh jackhammer my vagina", as uttered by my friend Crystal, get my juices flowing more than any girl kiss ever has. I am 100% sure I am straight. This has not been the case for several people I have dated.

Take the first man I ever turned gay. I didn't exactly "turn" him gay but I felt like it at the time. Upon our first meeting while getting the name, rank, and serial number type questions out of the way I asked if he had a boyfriend. I am blessed with near perfect gaydar (which was challenged last night when I found out a friend of a friend was NOT gay. A straight nice attractive well dressed man in San Francisco is rare) so this question didn't seem out of the ordinary. He was cute, we were getting along really well, he was intelligent, a virgin, well read, polite which means he had to be gay. Weeks later he was still trying to convince me of the contrary when we decided constantly making out was a great idea. Making out eventually lead to me being the proud owner of a brand new, never been used, shiny V Card! The next morning after the sex he pretty much rolled over and said "I'm gay. I'm sorry. I can't do this. I've never been with a man but I know that is what I want". We've been incredibly good friends ever since.

The second guy I "turned" gay was a guy I met off of some dating website. We went out on probably 15 dates with nothing ever happening. He completely disappeared off my radar. No phone calls, no e-mails, nothing. Months later he messaged a good friend of mine on gay.com asking him out. I still have no idea what that story was about.

The third guy I met at a rave. It was at a time when I lived with gay ecstasy dealers. I can not tell you how many times I walked into my living room to see some form of gay orgy romp going on. We hung out a lot and had sex every time he was in town. Eventually I found out he was also fucking one of my gay drug dealer roommates. Coincidentally, after I started writing this he IM-ed me to see how I was.

Each of these guys have NEVER experimented with men before me. So I'm going to stick by what I think Katy Perry should have said. Experimenting is okay. Be safe. Have fun. Figure it out. More people get hurt and ruined by never figuring out or admitting what they really want.

So I dedicate this post to the gays, the straights, the transgenered, and, most importantly, to all the girls I've kissed loved before

I liked it.......I liked it.