Dating is Miserable but it’ll get you laid

Keane’s: “Semantic Love” <– get it? :D

Day 1: Arthur Kade, the "Bad Boy" who really doesn't understand women.
Day 2: Kyle, the "Nice Guy" who has accepted it.
Today: Keane, the good looking "Nice Guy" who doesn't realize he's good looking or nice.

My friend Keane is everything a guy should be. He's funny, smart, sensitive, talented, an amazing friend and cute. I honestly don't know a single woman who wouldn't date Keane or who didn't have some kind of small crush on him at one point or another. He's pretty close to the perfect man......except he doesn't date. EVER. No really, EVER. In the 2 (ish) years I've known him I 've seen him have only 1 crush and go out on a grand total of 2 dates. I really don't get it.

Why I Chose Keane:
I really have no other reason for including Keane except he is amazing. Follow him on Twitter, read his blog (I highly encourage you to listen to the most recent song he posted.) , and listen to his band. Only then can you love Keane the way I do.

I watched Hitch the other night. If you haven't seen it, it's that Will Smith movie where he plays a date doctor who helps Kevin James and a bunch of other losers talk to women. I say "losers" because the film makes a deliberate attempt at caricaturing these guys as woeful in their social incompetence, as if God hath tried to smite them but didn't care to finish the job. Honestly, I think they did it so semi-awkward guys wouldn't cringe through two hours of the film any more than one would from the script alone. That wouldn't make very good theatrical entertainment for the boys of extra butter, would it? No, it wouldn't. But though the movie exaggerates (greatly), it does highlight a truth in dating - it's hard and there are no rules.

What is "game?" Technique? Confidence? Smell of lamb? Will Smith apparently had it, though it's kind of unfair as his success with women was predetermined by the plot. I wouldn't know if I had it. Not really, anyway. I'm sort of the nice guy that doesn't burden himself with thoughts on such things. (By the way, Amanda is intent on my playing the "nice guy" today.) I mean, I'm modest, a tad shy and usually pride myself on being a conscientious member of society. I've never snorted coke off a drunk hooker's bare ass and I certainly do not litter. (Storm drains empty into the ocean, you know.) But I'm in a band, I'm healthy and I can talk to cute girls without horribly messing my pants, so I'm pretty well off, I think. That is, I'm doing alright despite the fact that I don't ever date. It's, like, legendary how much I don't. And though I see the contradiction of my guest writing on a dating blog, I still think it's relevant, because I definitely spend time with women... I just don't "date."

At least I don't call it "dating." While I appreciate what it is, the notion of dating seems old-fashioned to me. I'm the type of person who tends to fall for someone I know well. When I can appreciate all the imperfections of another person as quality traits, then I know I want to be in a relationship. By this time, we've hung out so much that I wouldn't think it would be called "dating" anymore. My problem with the term "dating" is that it puts a before and after, hard definition on the relationship. While I agree it's good to make intentions perfectly clear so that both parties are operating under the same terms, the connotation and pressure of going on a "date" just makes it feel so stuffy and formal. It creates expectations. For this reason, I simply call it "hanging out." Yes, we're hanging out. It's fun, I'm getting to know you and it's true in a literal sense no matter what anyone's intentions are. Language should describe, not define. It's a gradient, really: two people, apart, then moving closer and closer until they are more together.

And as silly as the movie was, I think this underlying message of open-mindedness and freedom from convention was its true worth. It is when we learn and discover someone through a series of meaningful and authentic informalities, undefined by decorum and as limitless as life can be...

You can thank me later for the timely movie reference.