Mating Season
Yesterday I posted this picture on Facebook of me and my friend, John, during the Sunday Funday park adventure a group of us had. In less than 24 hours I have received 6 e-mails from my female friends wanting to know who he is and if he's single.
WHY CAN'T IT BE THAT EASY FOR ME!??!!?!??!
What’s in a name?
Zane just got this e-mail from a chick he went out on a date with a few weeks ago.
I never told you about your name.
Basically the story begins in 1971 when your parents had quadruplets. They were named Zachary, Adam, Nathan and Edward. By the time they were ten years old they were incredibly famous. Zachary built airplanes for a hobby -- not model planes, actual airplanes, like Cessnas etc. Adam was an opera singer whose angelic voice moved even the pope to tears. Nathan was an accomplished cartographer who'd mapped several unknown islands by the time he was in 4th grade. Edward amassed several million playing the stock market.
However one day when the quadruplets were ten they were touring eastern europe when their train broke down on a deserted place around the Romanian border late at night. There was a full moon. The train was attacked by a band of werewolves who killed and ate everyone on the train. The kids were thus tragically consumed.
Heartbroken, your parents decided to have just one child who would hopefully carry the torch of awesome and represent all the talents and skills of their lost quads. This baby: you. They thought about naming you Zachary Adam Nathan Edward Whatever-Your-Last-Name-Is, but settled on Zane instead.
Wanna hang out again sometime?
I can't decide if this is brilliant, insane, or perhaps she didn't meet the same Zane I know and love tolerate.
Doesn’t this mean Sex And The City should have been like 5 seasons shorter?
My running BFF, Jenny, and I are up late having a minor bitch session. I just declared we should move out of San Francisco and arbitrarily picked Portland as our new home. In response she sent me the following list of Forbes Top 40 Best Cities For Singles.
Maybe I should move to New York!
Maybe online dating is the way to go!
Mashable posted this article yesterday about the popularity of online dating that I found absolutely fascinating. (Click image to enlarge)
That’s what friends are for
Last night I attended the Thread.Com: My Eligible Friends Mixer. Thread.com is a dating site which follows the theory the best way to meet people is through friends. Thread, using Facebook connect, makes it that much easier to find your common thread. It also plays right into my love of internet stalking.
True to the nature of the site, you had to be invited by a friend and my lovely friend Keane invited me. I was a little weary of attending a meat market type singles event but was put to ease when I realized how many people I knew and knew of.
Thread had the right idea about meeting friends of friends. Conversation was much easier when the icebreaker was something as easy as "who do you know?" which lead into "how funny, she's my running friend's friend's roommate" which lead into funny stories and events you both were at. Introductions were even easy as I saw a few men come up to our mutual friend(s) and make a cute little gesture and mouth the words "introduce me".
Thread kept the event light, flowing and fun with free drinks, a raffle, and ice breaker games.
Though I didn't make any real connections, as 1) I had somewhere to be at 8:00 PM, 2) I put off a "not interested" vibe by wearing my You're Not My Type t-shirt from Headline Shirts (though I did find out the translations are correct! I also found out I'm the only person who knows it says F*CK OFF in sign language). and 3) I realize how NOT into dating I am as I either want the whole boyfriend shebang or absolutely no emotions whatsoever (HELLO WALKING CONTRADICTION!). This middle ground casually dating bullshit is just that, bullshit, I still had a wonderful time and would recommend any of the events you can get an invite to.
Le Freak, C’est Chic. Freak out!
me: what? this is my normal process when trying to decide if I like someone!!!
I internet stalk to decide whether or not I think he really is attractive
Pinpoint a minor flaw (ex: a stupid nickname or he was in the same fraternity as my grandfather +/- 60 some odd years)
Freak out to my friends.
It may not be logical but, by god, it works for me!
Friend: i think you should screw that pattern
get to know him in a comfortable and structured environment
get a read on his interest
check your interest each week
and go from there
AND BREATH
me: your logic will not work here I'm afraid.
Friend: i chased after the last guy
from here on out if they ain't knockin' down my door i ain't wasting my energy
me: HERE HERE
oh jesus
HEAR HEAR
I fail at life
Filed Under: I swear I'm not crazy. I just play crazy on the internet to amuse those around me.
My friends are funny people.
Friend: I've never been asked out via GCHAT until today
wtf is our generation coming too???
me: weird. I have all the time
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*Editor's Note*: Actual domestic violence, rape, murder, sexism and racism are not funny....but jokes about them tend to be hilarious.
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Friend: There is a very cute man next to me at this cafe wearing a pink striped shirt and working on a very small computer....cannot tell if he's straight or not.
me: Ask him where his shirt is from! Tell him you have to find a birthday present for your best friend and you think he'd really like the shirt.
Friend: You are a genius. Gonna give it a shot.
me: Seriously labels are the best way tot tell if a man is straight or gay.
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Buddhists get it twice?!?!?!
Part of my OKCupid profile reads:
The other day I received this lovely correspondence.
Putting really bad grammar and horrible username aside I absolutely abhor how men pick and choose which words to leave out of a sentence. Dating websites should be outlawed. I'm very thankful today marked the day I could disable my account again!
Shiksas are for practice.
I have mentioned before how small San Francisco is. I had a conversation with a friend over the weekend that made my head spin just a little bit when I attempted to keep the storylines straight.
Friend: Hey, you know [Guy 626] right?
Me: Yeah. I actually went to drinks and dinner with him the other night. It was nice.
Friend: I told you about him, right?
Me: No
Friend: You know my brother's girlfriend, right? When her and my brother broke up for a little bit she met 626 off J-Date. I guess it never went anywhere mainly because 626 and my brother are in a similar social circle. Later we bumped into him and his roommate at a Jewish Singles Mixer . I got his roommate's phone number but we were never able to connect.
Me: Yeah and his roommate has a girlfriend now.
Friend: Oh I don't care.
Me: I know. Do you realize every woman in that story, excluding yourself, is named Amanda?
Some people are single for a reason
My friend Seg sent me a link to an ad for a mate on a San Francisco Bay Area Livejournal Community. The post has since been deleted but I have archived it here. The post is a little long so I will give you the "highlights" here:
-Don't touch me. If I act like I don't want to be touched. Stop. Cause chances are you'll just piss me off or trigger me.
-Don't expect me to draw you or your character. I am kinda against drawing people I date. If I do it on my own, that's what you get. Don't request crap or bother me about it.
-Let me rant when needed. When I don't rant, I cut/burn/bruise myself.
-You call me any thing even close to a girl, I kill you.
-I'm a virgin. I don't want to have sex. Thanks for assuming it's because I "can't get laid". I've had friends try to rape me, so obviously I can get it if I want it. If I want to fuck you, I'll ask.
-I don't celebrate my birthday because I'm suicidal. Don't do birthday surprises. I will probably be more upset than happy. Ignore the day entirely. I tell as few people as possible what day it even is.
-Yes I know I'm crazy/mental. You don't like it, leave.
-I generally could care less if I'm dating someone, so don't expect me to fall in love with you, or care if we don't talk for a week. Unless hell freezes over, I could really care less.
-I'm pansexual. AKA: I will date a guy, girl, trans person, gender fluid person, etc. I don't care what you ID as, as long as you're cool.
-I'm polyamorous. AKA: I have no issue dating more than one person at a time. If you are the jealous type, don't bother dating me when I'm dating another person. Easy as that.
About
- I live in San Francisco, go on bad dates, drink a lot, and spend too much time on the internet.
If there was a problem yo I'll solve it. Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it...or you can just e-mail me.
Try out this online dating site.
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