Dating is Miserable but it’ll get you laid

My semi-feel good post of the year.

For the last 25 years I was convinced I had a problem maintaining friendships with women. As far back as I can remember most of my friends have been male  while the female friends have come and gone fairly quickly. 9 times out of 10 it has something to do with boys.

In High School my two best friends and I fought over Darin Smith. In my late teens/early 20s Dee and I were in an epic battle over pretty much every guy either of us dated or desired. The last few years of my SF days seem to have completely revolved around one of my exes.

I met my ex because he was the ex of  a girl who hung out in my circle of friends. The entire thing was handled incorrectly.

• I should have told her from the beginning.
• I shouldn't have lied to her when she asked me (despite the fact she was incredibly intoxicated at the time and had me locked in a bar bathroom).
• My ex shouldn't have told me, what I now realize are probably fictitious, stories about how insane she was, how they never really had a relationship, and how she was a hysterical attention seeking mess.
• She should have kept her mouth shut about what a horrible person I was since she really didn't know me very well.

It wasn't a pretty situation.

The break up with this ex was pretty epic.  I felt devastated and it took me quite a long time to realize I had been  invested in the future we had planned not the current relationship I was in. It didn't help he is notorious for being rather emotionally lacking, which is one of my greatest pet peeves.

If it wasn't bad enough my ex's ex hated me, she eventually forgave him to a level of intimacy I wouldn't dare tread to and continues trashing me behind my back. The one thing I pride myself on is if I can't say something nice, and saying nothing at all is impossible, I will at least fess up to disliking someone. I just find it ridiculous for an adult to be referring to me as "She Who Must Not Be Named".

If my woes with the ex weren't bad enough, he is now dating a girl I really do value. I can't really fault her for lying to me when I approached her the first time about it, especially after she insisted it was because of the other things going on in my life. What I can fault her, and have my feelings hurt, for is dating someone who so venomously hates me it destroys our friendship. I have to give him credit though, at least he is doing his part for the environment and recycling the same stories he told me about his ex.

As I was saying, I was convinced for the last 25 years I couldn't maintain relationships with women. I now realize I've just struggled with maintaining relationships with the RIGHT women. Sounds pretty much like my dating life, right? I pick the wrong one, stick with them when I shouldn't, put more into it than I get back, and wind up getting hurt.

I'm not trying to come across as the "innocent one" or the "victim" in all of this. I've been wrong plenty of times. I've said the wrong thing, made the wrong move, and wronged the right people more times than I can count. As my ever eloquent and wise friend Cy once said, "a conspicuous failure is a great equalizer. everyone has been there. everyone has said the dumbest thing possible at the worst time ever. ... the best thing we can do is enjoy, take pride in our humanness. hope someone loves us for it. love someone for it." and I try to live by that. I really do. People make mistakes but not everyone can forgive. As much as I been chastised for forgiving people even in the most undeserving of circumstances I really do think it's a virtue.

Over the last few drama filled months I've become incredibly grateful for the people of substance in my life.  This  post would have been more appropriate around Thanksgiving but better late than pregnant never. My sister, Bob, and Dee have been there through thick and thin, no matter what. Zane and Tiffany have always been incredibly motivating while still getting me into trouble. Dasha and Przem have always maintained our, what will be, lifelong friendship even from far away (Yes 86 miles is far away!) .Victoria, Rachel, Cy, J, and Lizz are there when I need to TYPE IN ALL CAPS, send crazy texts (Ex: I think a good make out session with John Legend would solve most of my day to day problems.), or talk about boys.  My Asian Posse (who don't always like their name on the intrawebz) let me wander in and out of their lives while remaining constant pillars of support. I really do have an amazing group of people in my life. I know I am forgetting a few and there a few I'd rather not name but, basically, if I called you on Thanksgiving I luvz yew. I'm just bad at making lists sometimes.

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OH HEY! 73% of that list is women. Who woulda thunk!?!??!