Dating is Miserable but it’ll get you laid

It was a trip.

I don't have the best track records with vacations and boyfriends.

Brohammer and I went camping as our first official trip away and that ended in copious amounts of disaster.

Due to the fact "The Man" was in law school, we never actually got to take a real vacation together. Our first "official vacation" was an epically bizarre Christmas involving a blizzard with his overly-religious parents who never eat vegetables (which lead to him being unaware 1) you could eat peas raw and 2) peas should not be grey when 'fully cooked' - full story can be heard here on my latest appearance on Date Night with Steph Dub) and my wine making/garden in the backyard/hippie-esque loudmouth family. Disastrous does not even begin to sum it up.

Then there was my trip to Europe with my abusive asshole of an ex-boyfriend where he decided to get drunk one night, completely overreact to something I said, and get into a fistfight with our host which I decided to attempt to break up thus ruining most of our vacation and the rest of our relationship.

So saying I was a bit nervous about taking a trip with FirstName LastName is a bit of an understatement.

FirstName LastName and I arrived in New Orleans late on Thursday night. After checking into our gorgeous and well located hotel we headed over to a place recommended by my foodie/boozer extraordinaire friend, Quinn, for a delicious peanut butter bacon burger and a beer.

I started to tense up at this point  since FirstName LastName is super in shape and super healthy and while I run....man do I like to nosh down on a good burger sometimes. I realized everything was okay when 2 bites into my half of the burger I look over and his half was already completely demolished.

Crisis #1 Averted

Friday involved a lot of walking around and taking in the sites. Eventually we hit the pool after discovering both of us wanted to stay as far away from Bourbon Street as humanly possible. As we lounged around the pool these 2 couples approached us.

Guy: "Where you guys from?"
FirstName LastName: "San Francisco"
Guy: "What do you do? You must do like a thousand sit ups a day"
FirstName LastName: "Medical services, it's kind of part of the job"
Guy: "What are you guys doing tonight?"
FirstName LastName: "Probably hit Frenchman Street, grab some dinner, and chill out"
Guy: "You guys should come to Bourbon Street with us tonight."
-Awkward Pause-
Guy: "'Cause you know the Swinger Convention is in town"
-Awkward Pause-
Guy: "And we're going to go grab some appetizers and drinks later. You should come with us"
-Awkward Pause-
FirstName LastName: "Umm yeah I think we're going to stick to Frenchman Street"
Guy: "Okay well look us up later"

The couples walked away and FirstName LastName and I both burst out laughing. It  absolutely wasn't either of our scene.

Crisis #2 Averted

We lounged around the pool for a little while longer before deciding to head down to our room. The elevator stopped at a floor between the pool and our room and standing there were our "new friends".

Guy: -in a style similar to Herbert- "Hey you two! We're going for appetizers at La Bayou! Come join us!"
-We frantically hit 'Door Close'-

Friday night brought Frenchman Street and Harrah's (where I won $163 on Pai Gow Poker and a video poker machine!). Thankfully FirstName LastName was totally cool when I got the glazed over gamblin' look in my eye. I played Pai Gow for a good hour and a half and NEVER lost a hand. I also hit so many straights and full houses the pit boss came over to watch me suspiciously for awhile. FirstName LastName kind of did his own thing while I went into the gamblin' man trance and was really cool about me getting all crazy. Thankfully, I do know when and how to walk away from the table so no problems there.

Crisis #3 Averted

Saturday proved too hot to do much of anything, plus most of New Orleans closes at 3 PM so we ate some beignets followed by  a bunch of oysters and fried crab legs (no problem on the oyster front this time! Crisis #4 Averted!) and napped because Saturday night brought the tasting menu at  Commander's Palace . I was pretty nervous about this because I wanted the wine pairings with the tasting menu and as I said before, FirstName LastName isn't the biggest of eaters/drinkers. By the time we hit the salmon, his favorite thing on the planet, I could tell he was in heaven.

Crisis #5 averted.

Sunday involved more walking around, a trip to Algiers, a third run in with our "new friends",  some more oysters, and a drive to Kenner where I checked into my crappy airport hotel and FirstName LastName drove to his work meeting.

No fights. No misunderstandings. No problems whatsoever. It was an absolutely perfect first vacation.

Well as long as you exclude the guy in Walgreens who kept screaming about how rude I was because I *gasp* dared to walk down the same aisle he was in.