Dating is Miserable but it’ll get you laid

And we all lose our charms in the end

"My name is Amanda and I'm a weddingplansaholic"

I've been reading the community weddingplans on livejournal for at least 3 years now. The drama and ridiculous god awful pictures these women post are AMAZING. It is a lulzfest if I've ever seen one....on top of being a really good wedding/party planning idea resource.....

Anyway, in the community it is often discussed how you start having bizarre wedding nightmares right before the big day. I never thought I'd have my first wedding nightmare before I was even engaged.

Last night I had a dream that "The Man" and I were getting married earlier than planned because one of us needed health insurance. We settled on having an intimate ceremony with just the two of us before my family put their foot down and insisted on attending. We continued with our small plans by booking a tiny room off of a ballroom in some big hotel. The room was just big enough for seating and we made no reception plans since we didn't want an actual wedding at the time...and we were having the wedding THAT DAY.

The room we rented was somehow in a mall and walking through to the street we started talking about money and rings and "The Man" promised me he had purchased something awhile ago and knew I would love it. He skimpered off to some store...IN THE MALL...to pick up my ring.

I'm not talking nice San Francisco Shopping Centre Mall. I'm talking the most upscale department store is Sears and Hot Dog on a Stick is considered fine dining kind of mall. Don't get me wrong, I'm not insulting Hot Dog on a Stick. That shit is delicious.

"The Man" comes back while I'm on the phone with my sister hashing out the details and yelling about the absurdity of my family. He is trying to talk to me and I'm giving him the famous "just one second" finger and he keeps pestering me. I start screaming at him as he grabs my right hand, slips something on my pinky finger and gets down on one knee. I, very irritatedly, tell my sister I'll call her back in one second and ask "The Man" what in the hell he is doing. He has to explain to me that the two horrendous pieces of jewelry he has just placed on my finger are in fact my wedding rings.

Now I'm not cold hearted. If a ring wasn't 100% what I wanted in no way would I be disappointed. It's just a ring and the meaning behind it is much more important. Now that I have said that, this is along the lines of something I would call my "dream setting". (Fess up ladies, we all do it)

This is very similar to what he presented me with:

Mortified did not even begin to explain it. Enraged didn't describe the sheer anger I felt when he showed me the ring he had picked out for himself that was a gorgeouse simple platinum band.

If you can't tell I'm not a gold fan.

We started walking back towards the room because it was time to get ready for the wedding. My sister met me with my dress, a very simple piece I had bought on short notice from J. Crew similar to this.(Yes J. Crew has a bridal section online). It turns out my sister had grabbed the wrong bag and I was left wearing my black, white, and red flower patterned dress TO MY WEDDING.

There I stood, all dressed and ready to accept my fate as having the worst wedding in history, when out of the blue my Great Grandma showed up. My Great Grandma died when I was 16 and, excluding my sister and niece, she was my all time favorite family member. She was everything a Grandma should be. It was so good to see her as she looked happier and healthier than I can ever remember her looking. She took me into a little parlor in the back and was gave me advice about marriage and family. She gave me a bag of cookbooks, photo albums, and novels and told me it would bring me luck. After hugging me and telling me I looked beautiful she keeled over, died, and evaporated into thin air. My entire family came running into the room screaming at me that her death was my fault. (In real life she was well into her 90s and died of old age. So this wasn't some weird "I feel responsible for her death" kind of stress dream). My sister advised me to not tell my grandparents what my grandma had given me because they would be furious.

So I started walking down the aisle with my darling niece in front of me as my flower girl. I was thinking about how lucky I was and how, even though this was a miserable experience, I was lucky when my niece suddenly turned to my grandmother and goes "Grandma Serpa gave Aunite Amanda a bag of books!"

ALL.
HELL.
BROKE.
LOOSE.

My grandparents started screaming at each other. My family was yelling. "The Man"'s family was screaming. My niece was crying. My sister was defending me.  Flowers were flying. Programs were being crumpled up and tossed. "The Man" punched my grandfather. It was pandemonium.  "The Man" and I quickly said our vows and ran out of the room amongst all the chaos with my family chasing closely behind wanting to know where their dinner and cake was.

o.0

I'd like to blame the following phrae I said last night for my weird dream, "Reese's Sticks!! I didn't know they still made these!!" which was quickly followed by "Huh..these look a little grey....weird.".

They were delicious.