Dating is Miserable but it’ll get you laid

Love Pillows, Hooters, Milk Bags, Puppies, Fun Bags, Twins, Knockers, etc

Dictionary.com defines boobs as

1.    a stupid person; fool; dunce.
2.    British. a blunder; mistake.
–verb (used without object)
3.    a female breast.

I think one of my signature Amanda phrases is "What? They're just boobs". If I had to pick a mascot for my group of friends it would either be my boobs, some form of alcohol, or a computer. Take the last few pictures of me posted on facebook.  Picture 1 has been commented with "boobs" and "boobs ftw". Picture 2 has been commented with "boobs", "amanda is so pretty", "my mom saw this and also said ur pretty", "Gorgeous. And Amanda with alcohol. That is a shock!", "she's a classy broad", and "boobs".  I just don't get the attraction. They are just boobs. You've all seen them before.

What also confuses me is the foolish things men do on occassion. I met a guy at a networking party a few weeks ago when my friend Quinn tried to sell me like one of those girls at the Take a Wench for a Bride part  of Pirates of the Caribbean at Disneyland. We exchanged cards and the following days brought flirty e-mails, phone calls, text messages, and tentative plans to hang out. Our schedules were constantly conflicting or something would come up so plans would get canceled or rescheduled, yada, yada, yada. I haven't talked to him in over a week and had really just written it off as another casual meeting fizzling when I received the following e-mail:

On Wed, Aug 6, 2008 at 2:05 PM, Boobface Mcghee <iamaboob@boob.com> wrote:

this is not working out. please don't contact me again.

You sir are a BOOB. The last e-mail correspondence we had was him apologizing for a  text message miscommunication. Seriously.....you don't need to break up with me if we haven't been on a date yet. I really don't understand men. Then again I really don't understand women.

I realize I'm not writing about anything new here. Since the beginning of time men and women have been trying to figure each other out. Google Blog Search the word "dating" and you get 37,932,393 results. I sometimes wonder what the problem is. We all know men are hunters and women are gathers. No matter how gender neutral neo feminist you want to get it comes down to the basic men think/women feel. So why exactly do we spend so much money on couples therapy and magazines that give us 10 insights on what our men are thinking in addition to hours analyzing the topic?

I think I fall into the rare category of not understanding either gender. After "ow" (I'm incredibly klutzy) I think the phrase I use most is "Sorry I was just having a girl moment". I am constantly aware of when I am acting like a stereotypical girl. I know when I'm being irrational, over emotional, and jealous. I am also aware of when I am being insensitive, one track minded and seemingly indifferent to everything. I've always prided myself on being one of the boys despite the rather large bags of fat strapped to my chest and love affair with shoes. Despite the fact I am constantly aware of both "male" and "female" actions I still can't understand this one.

I repeat, you Mr. Boobface Mcghee ARE. A. BOOB.