Practically a novella!
The last time we saw The Lawyer, he made me feel incredibly uncomfortable, had a kidney removed, tried to reconnect which was actually just a booty call, made me feel like a bad person, and disappeared from my life for good.
Or so I thought.
I woke up to this text this morning.
I have yet to respond and I'm unsure if I'm going to. I am beyond happy for him that his health is on the upswing but I'm completely confused as to why he decided to contact me about it.
MEN!
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FirstName LastName and I finally had it out over the weekend. We've been having some major tension lately about our communication and the way he speaks to me. I finally found an analogy that summed it up fairly well but unfortunately I could not convey it accurately while drunk to him so I guess I will share it here you guys:
One of the more interesting facts I learned from Producer Man is that the television show Friends was originally written to be entirely revolved around Monica instead of the ensemble cast we all know and love. You can find evidence in this by looking at the character dynamic. Ross is MONICA'S brother. Chandler and Joey live across the hall from MONICA. Rachel was MONICA'S friend in high school. Phoebe and MONICA used to be roommates.
Okay..that really has nothing to do with my analogy but I do think it's a fun fact.
My real point is this, Friends had a "tribe' mentality. The thing I loved most about the show, and identified with, is it seemed like no one was ever alone. There were constantly people around and no matter what bind you got yourself into there was always somewhere there to help you out.
Problem # 1 - FirstName LastName is a lone wolf.
You could also always tell whether or not romantic relationships were going to work out on Friends by how little disturbance there was in the force. Julie was never going to last because she caused a rift between Ross and Rachel. Ditto with Emily. Janis annoyed everyone and therefore was never going to be a long term person. David wasn't going to survive as it would have meant Phoebe going to Minsk. Even the Joey and Rachel plot was doomed to failure because so many people IN THE GROUP had a problem with it.
Yet, everyone loved Richard and I think, as an audience, everyone almost expected it to work out, Chandler and Monica made it as a couple because it caused the group the least amount of stress (ditto on Rachel and Ross), and Mike was always welcomed to the group so it was no surprise when he married Phoeobe.
Joey is just a man whore.
Problem # 2 - FirstName LastName causes disturbances in my tribe on a fairly regular basis.
Problem # 3 - (that is totally unrelated to Friends) We do not communicate on the same level. Ex: He said this weekend 'I need my space today' so I packed up my stuff and loaded it in the car assuming when we headed back to the city to run an errand I'd just go to my house. When he saw my bags he completely flipped and couldn't figure out why I was leaving. By 'I need my space today' he meant 'I'm going to probably go on a bike ride and visit a friend and then have dinner at my house later with you' not 'leave'.
So anyway, we yelled, screamed, and talked and I think things are on good path but we'll see. I think I need to spend more alone time with my tribe, I think he needs to develop more of a tribe of his own, I think I need to be more patient, and I think he needs to think about what he says before he says it.
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So after the serious talk and things being better, WE GOT A DOG!
He is a 10 month old pit bull, basenji, fox hound, terrier mix (aka mutt) and he is the sweetest dog on the planet. He officially becomes ours (well technically FirstName LastName's but WHATEVER) on Thursday after he has his little balls snipped off.
I also told FirstName LastName if he didn't clean up his act I'd send him in for the same procedure.
So our next step is a name. The rescue we got him through (which is AMAZING if you live in SF and are looking for a dog) named him Neo, which FirstName LastName and I both hate. We don't want too much confusion since he's already been through a few transitions lately so the best name we could come up with that kinda sounds like Neo is Ned.
I actually LOVE the name Ned. Ned is the Pie Maker on Pushing Daisies (one of my all time favorite shows) and Ned Flanders is one of the greatest Simpsons characters of all time but I'm not sure I'm set on the name yet.
Anyone have any good name ideas? Suggestions welcome!
This letter makes me feel about | | <– that big.
In honor of it being April Fools' Day, (No one believed my joke and insisted on commenting on how my hypothetical offspring would be the spawn of Satan....a-holes) I decided to give my constant pointing-out-the-flaws-of-others a rest for a day. Today I will finally publish THE LETTER The Lawyer sent me when he found my blog in January. The letter makes me feel like such an overly critical bitch. I was, and still am, utterly speechless and haven't respond.
If you haven't been a follower for a very long I highly recommend you read our first date, second date, where it all went wrong, the breakup, and the last time I saw him before you read the following e-mail.
Hey Amanda,
I hope all is well. So, I finally decided to read your dating blog (it wasn't hard to find). I'm definitely impressed. It's really funny, brutally honest, incredible heartfelt, and totally self-deprecating. You have a real gift for writing, and I have no doubt that you will someday make a living doing just that.
I can't say that I liked everything I read about myself, but I also can't dispute any of the things you said about me (except maybe the race stuff, which we talked about). And reading about myself was certainly an enlightening experience, as well as a little embarrassing. All in all, however, I'm really glad you told me about your blog and that I read it.
Two emotions came to mind after reading "The Lawyer" entries. The first emotion was gratitude. Thank you for all of the nice things you said about me--and there were more than I thought there would be. Specifically, I wanted to thank you for saying that my mom raised me right. She did. Any asshole behavior I exhibited during our brief affair I learned completely on my own. I also wanted to thank you for asking your readers to keep me in their thoughts during my surgery in September (even though I wasn't aware of it at the time), and being genuinely concerned about my health. That meant/means a lot to me.
The second emotion I felt was a desire to apologize for all the times I acted like a jackass--and there were many (and in such a short period of time). I did some things that are truly out of character for me--most of which you mention in your blog. For all of those things, I am truly sorry.
Unfortunately, you happened to meet me at one of the worst times in my life. I was really sick--even more than I let on. I was also in a lot of physical pain, which led to a lot of emotional pain. I realize now that I shouldn't have been dating at all during that time, but I was trying desperately to keep some sense of normalcy in my life at a time when everything was falling apart. So, what you got were glimpses of the real me (maybe more than just glimpses) and a lot of the "sick version" of me. By dating you, I think I was trying to prove something to myself--maybe that I was still a strong, desirable man. But whatever was going on in my head, I know that I never fully engaged with you or in our relationship. And for that, I'm sorry. It was a crappy thing to do.
Well, the good news is that I have managed to get a handle on my health issues, and have been feeling great since mid-December. It is only now that I am feeling better that I realize how bad last year really was. You know the only lesson you learn from being in the dark so long is to appreciate the light even more . . . and to appreciate the good people that come into your life. You were one of those people (although I didn't appreciate it at the time). So, even though we may not be romantically compatible (or, if I just blew it), I wanted to let you know that I think you are pretty bad-ass. I also wish you the best of luck with your writing, and hope that you find a guy that will force you to blog about something else. And finally, I hope that we can be friends because I really would like to get to know you outside of the dating context (if nothing else, I don't think I could stand any more of your withering critic).
Take care,
The Lawyer
The last line is what makes me feel like the worst person on the planet.
I believe in a thing called love.
I believe in a lot of things; some form of god, karma, the power of former drool worthy leading men in drag (ex: 1, 2) , dreams, ghosts, and the healing qualities the "awww" noise has when applied to a sick or injured male.
One thing I have really started to follow is my horoscope. A few weeks ago I picked up a discounted copy of Your 2010 Personal Horoscope at Borders. For a laugh, I read about the "predictions" for months past and was shocked to find them to be rather accurate. I read on and was even more shocked by the accuracy of my situation with my friends and personal appearance. Being who I am and what I write about my, obvious, next step was to check into the future of my love life this month:
Love is good this month, but there are ups and downs. Without the downs we would never appreciate the ups. The 2nd to the 7th brings sudden love opportunities or social invitations. Love happens out of the blue. On the 11th and 12th there is more conflict between you and your beloved. Try not to make things worse - work to minimize the negativity - the problem will soon pass. On the 7th your love planet moves into Aries and you become a 'love at first sight' kind of person. You become more aggressive in love - fearless. When your intuition is on, this is good. You go directly to your objective without the muss and fuss of all the courtship rituals. But if your intuition is off, there can be mistakes in love - bad choices. However, this is a month where you learn that there is nothing to fear in love, but fear itself. Pick yourself up and jump back into the fray.
Whether I was a victim of suggestion or not I did have an interesting weekend o' love:
1. I met a very attractive man on Saturday. He is currently looking at law schools (ick!) and used to work as a non-profit consultant. He's a runner and has a smile which rendered me at least 20 points lower on the IQ scale.We exchanged numbers and now I'm 2 quarters deep into a wicked intense game of waiting.
Score: Love All
2. 4 people confronted me about this post over the weekend. I discovered 6 things due to their assumptions:
2a) I found out an old friend is gay.
2b) It is very fun to tease someone with, "why wouldn't you date me!??!" after they drunkenly blindsided you by declaring they could never be attracted to you. The friend was quick to follow it up with "because I want to be your FRIEND!!!". Alcohol is hilarious.
2c) A friend has a crush on me.
2d) One of my exes from High School is gay.
2e) People talk a lot about oral sex when they're drunk.
2f) I'm a wuss. The correct guy did confront me and I denied everything.
3. I had a very intense hot make out session.
4. I can actually be friends with someone I used to have feelings for (major breakthrough alert) as long as they never cheated on me and don't epitomize "douchebag" as a lifestyle.
Today's Horoscope: Look at things from a more philosophical perspective, Scorpio, instead of seeing everything from such an intensely emotional one.
Sell Out.
I hate Hollywood.
That is a lie. I absolutely love Hollywood. I love movies, television, celebrity gossip, and fashion. I remember when Anna Nicole Smith died I was sicker than a dog but kept vigil via text with my friend Kerry over every little detail. What was in her system? Who was with her? Is Howard Stern (her lawyer not the shock jock) really the baby daddy?
What I love more than Hollywood is books. I read somewhere on average Americans read 3 - 6 books a year while 25% of the American population reads none. Since November I've fully read 14 and am currently reading 3. I love to read. When people ask me what I want as a gift I always tell them to buy me their favorite book. It has lead to some duds, some fantastic reads (Ex 1, 2, 3), and an added insight into the person who gifted it. I've also ended more than one first date after hearing "My favorite book? Oh I don't really read books" or "The last thing I read? Oh....uh....probably Catcher in the Rye in high school. It sucked."
One year at summer camp...
WARNING: Before I go any further I should preface this story by saying this is not a coming of age tale ending with probing musical instruments into blossoming orifices or learning how to french kiss from my top heavy bunkmate after a heated pillow fight with nothing on but Wonder Woman underoos.
One year at summer camp one of the counselors had "story hour". My fellow Counselors in Training and I would gather around during rest hour and listen as she read aloud from her favorite book, Youth in Revolt. As an awkward teenager I related to this book a little too much. Here was a kid as awkward and insecure as me just trying to be loved. In reality, Nick Twisp is really just trying to get laid but as Joseph Gordon-Levitt's character in 500 Days of Summer misunderstood the ending of The Graduate, I took away something that wasn't intended; Sometimes you have to make an ass out of yourself for love.
I have been waiting with bated breath ever since I heard Youth in Revolt was going to be made into a movie. Finally, the characters I had read over and over and over again were coming to life. The 15 year old me would finally be able to see a flesh and blood version of the character who seemed destined for her. Nick Twisp was goofy, loved Frank Sinatra, and never came out ahead despite his best intentions.
Then I heard they cast Michael Fucking Cera.
Due to poor casting decisions all around, excluding Jean Smart - she was the only correctly cast person in the entire movie, I skipped seeing the movie in theaters. Last night I [illegal activity redacted] Youth in Revolt off the internet and spent the next 90 minutes filled with pure rage. WHAT HAPPENED TO THE STORY I LOVED SO MUCH!?!?!?
SPOILER ALERT:
Youth in Revolt the book is about a teenage boy, Nick Twisp, who meets the love of his life, Sheeni Saunders, while vacationing in Clearlake. Nick jumps through hoops, including burning down most of Berkeley, to attract Sheeni's attention.The book is filled with dysfunctional characters you either love to hate or hate to love and the adventures are so bizarre the book could only be a work of fiction or a story from my dating life.
The movie was a fucking coming of age bullshit relationship propaganda love story. Sure Nick still burns down half of Berkeley but almost everything else was completely unrecognizable from the original story.
-They cut almost all of the really funny supporting characters and their storylines.
- They made Sheeni lovable despite the fact in the book she's a raging bitch who does nothing but abuse Nick's unconditional love.
- They turned about 200 pages of Nick living his life as woman into a one line joke, "Maybe I could live my life as a woman named Carlotta".
- They even cut out the one scene (Page 100 where Lefty and Nick experiment with oral sex, during which Nick's mother interrupts and hurls cupcakes) where Michael Cera's awkwardness could have been put to use.
- They removed the fact to get Sheeni's love Nick had to burn down Berkeley, live as a woman for a month, become rich, knock her up, have major plastic surgery to hide his identity, and convince her he was an illegitimate love child of Jean- Paul Belmondo. In the movie version, all he had to do was "be himself" and she ended up realizing he was the man of her dreams.
Gag me.
THE REAL WORLD DOES NOT WORK LIKE THAT. There are no exceptions. There are few acts that will make a person change their heart. Being yourself doesn't always work. Everything I gained from the original brilliant work was lost to 90 minutes of me wanting to stab Michael Cera in the face.
For shame C.D. Payne, FOR SHAME.
THE. END.
Yesterday I went to lunch with The Lawyer as his text from Monday requested. I was surprised at how good it was to see him. All of our awkwardness and his inability to maintain a conversation were completely gone. We drove to The House (shout out to Tiffany for that recommendation) and settled into lunch before we got down to business.
My frist question was why he had waited almost 3 months to contact me. He told me about all the things going on in his life (his illness, his dad's illness, Thanksgiving, etc). Turns out he had been meaning to call for awhile but just couldn't find the time to get the closure he desired.
I was very honest with him. I told him how it bothered me he couldn't volley a conversation. I explained how I desired a partner who was an active participant in my life and his disinterest in being such. We discussed at length how his illness played a large part in his inactivity and how upon reflection I realized how I was unprepared to deal with everything that came with it. We talked about the fact I thought the race thing bothered him. It may have been one of the healthiest conversations I've ever had. We came to the conclusion a lot of our "issues" were nothing more than misunderstandings.
We continued lunch and talked about our respective recent break ups, laughed a ton, talked about a few events we were both interested in attending, and expressed sentiment about missing the other person. I had completely forgotten that despite a few of his flaws They Lawyer is a caring, sweet, warm, funny, interesting, and intelligent person. Lunch was very nice, borderlining on intimate, so I wasn't too surprised when he held my hand on the way to coffee nor did I really mind it.
The Lawyer drove me home and we made tentative plans to hang out on Sunday. I was halfway out of the car when he pulled me back in and kissed me. It was one of the better kisses I've had in my long history of kisses. But then....OH BUT THEN he had to go and ruin it.
When I pulled away from the kiss he leaned back in and turned on his "sexy" voice. The voice I got to hear once before. The voice I can only equate to the ridiculousness that is the Christian Bale Batman Voice. He turned on the voice and said,
The Lawyer: Want me to come upstairs?
Me: No.
The Lawyer: Why not?
Me: I don't want to in addition to the fact I have things to do today.
The Lawyer: Like what?
Me: Work stuff and I need to make a call before 3.
The Lawyer: I'll be quiet.
Me: No.
The Lawyer: C'mon it's been so long and I forgot how attracted I am to you.
Me: I have to go.
Once I was safely out of the car in my apartment laughing over the entire thing I realized he had mentioned how a girl had recently dumped him. I mulled it over and came to one conclusion, THIS MY FRIENDS WAS A BOOTY CALL. My feelings could only be summed up as disgusted. Here I was willing to open up emotionally to him despite a bunch of things. As my sister put it, "I kind of hoped maybe you two would get together, talk things out, and maybe casually date". After lunch, but before the kiss, that possibility was not far from my mind but now no way.
I felt like I was being manipulated into the D.E.N.N.I.S. system (Demonstrate value/Engage physically/Nurture dependence/Neglect emotionally/Inspire hope/Separate entirely) and I was not happy about.
A text I never expected to get
Last week I had a crazy dream about The Lawyer. In my dream I was flipping through a day planner and saw The Lawyer's (real) name in huge red letters on one of the dates. I thought it was odd since we hadn't spoken since I did the cowardly thing and broke up with him via text a few months ago. As I continued flipping through the day planner his name appeared more frequently in my schedule until his name was on every single page. After several months of his name appearing the pages abruptly became blank. At that point in the dream I woke up pretty confused.
Since then The Lawyer has been on my mind. It probably has a lot to do with my grandmother currently going through her final days with her battle against kidney cancer and The Lawyer has his own kidney issues. It may also be the holidays and I know he's sick. I've actually just been curious if he's still alive since he's living without kidneys, as far as I know.
Imagine my surprise at the coincidence when, in reality, my text message indicator went off about 5 times in a row this morning with a long text message from The Lawyer.
The Lawyer: Hey Amanda. I hope all is well. Things between us ended so abruptly a few months back that we never really had a chance to talk about some of the stuff you said in your last text. I'm not one to live in the past, but a couple of the things you said did bother me a little, mainly because I had no idea I made you feel that way. So, in the spirit of self-improvement and, hopefully, friendship, let me take you out to lunch to discuss.
I decided to meet him tomorrow for lunch. I don't owe him anything but I think the mature outreach towards closure deserves some kind of recognition. I'm finding most people lack an ability to be brutally honest or even human so I'm hoping to right the wrong I committed.
Today can’t get any better
So we all remember Crazy D right? The guy who left me the insane voicemail after sending me the greatest series of emotionally imbalanced text messages I've ever received? I will now give you 3 guesses who found my blog!
Crazy D - Sep 30 2:29:04 PM
Company lawyers are dealing with your posting. Nice one for me. I told u via voicemail... Thanks. I did nothing wrong. Why so unhappy? Why
Crazy D - Sep 30 2:42:28 PM
Just remove the post pls. I really don't wanna go to court. Otherwise we will 
I'm sorry if I offended u in any possible way. Yours, Crazy D
I guess someone didn't read the blog about how I've dated attorneys, my friends are attorneys, I work for a retired attorney and ....oh yes...I know a lot of people who practice law. I made a few phone calls and since I've posted no identifying information I will go on record and say asking nicely first may have worked had he not been so insane. Threatening me as an initial form of communication? Not going to work buddy. Your number has blocked from my phone. You can always e-mail me if you wish to really pursue this further and I'll pass it along to my attorney(s).
Big thanks to my phone company for making it so easy to block someone's phone number. I can do it online!
Misery loves comedy
Now that I'm done being a whiny little bitch I thought I'd bring you a few laughs today.
1. I've been having a major issue with Bank of America over the last few weeks. Someone stole my account number and took almost $1000. Getting it back from BofA hasn't been an easy task. Closing the account took almost 2 weeks. On Saturday I was talking to my sister and told her I finally got the money returned. Her response?
"You haven't switched banks yet have you? You like your banks like you like your men. You want them to treat you bad, not return your phone calls, and steal your money twice a year."
2. I went to brunch yesterday with Bob, my always supportive friend.
me: Maybe you should hit something. Just make sure it's not me or your cat.
Bob: I WOULD NEVER HIT MY CAT!
me: ........
me: -seeing a really cute dog walk by- I really want a dog.
Bob: you would totally get a boyfriend if you had a dog
me: I never called The Lawyer. Does that make me a bad person?
Bob: On a scale of Sherri Lewis to Hitler. You're Kanye West.
me: Why can't I get away from techies and lawyers?
Bob: Could be worse. Could be druggies and male prostitutes
3. Had I been dating in the 80's I would have gone on Love Connection before I tried video dating.
4. Not that this has anything to do with dating it still made me laugh.
5. STORY OF MY LIFE:
Source
FAQ #1
I get a surprisingly large amount of email from my readers asking random questions. I thought it would be somewhat amusing if every once in awhile I answered a few of them. I've also included some questions that relate to the most popular search terms used to find my site.
1. Do the people you date know about your blog?
Recently, since my blog has become a dominating figure in my life, I have to tell my dating partners about it. Jesus, that may have been the saddest thing I have ever typed. No wonder I'm single. Some read it. Some don't. It's a personal preference and I respect it.
2. Is anything off limits?
Unless something so incredibly ridiculous happens I really avoid specifics about my sex life. Anything someone I date asks me not to talk about is also kept confidential. I think I have a decent sense of what people are comfortable with me sharing.
3. Do you have any advice about dating a lawyer?
I've dated one law school student in addition to an actual lawyer. This does not make me an expert (Hi have you read the name of this blog?!?!). The only piece of advice I can really offer is "prepare yourself for being a background figure in their life". Now if you want advice about dating someone in the tech industry I'm your girl!
4. Will you read my dating profile and tell me what I'm saying or doing wrong?
No.
5. Do you want to go on a date?
Probably not but thank you for asking.
6. How do I know if this relationship is going anywhere?
If you have to ask the relationship isn't going anywhere.
7. Has anyone ever decided not to date you because of the blog?
Blog based rejection has not happened yet. I always keep in mind there is a first time for everything though. I'm sure it's bound to happen.
8. The picture in your About section is really sexy. Do you have any nudes?
Ew. No. Gross.
9. How many of your stories are fiction?
Absolutely none of them. Some of my stories are incredibly hard to believe but I usually have some kind of evidence to back up the most ridiculous ones.
10. How many readers do you have?
I receive about 300 - 500 unique IP addresses a day depending on the day.
Goodbye online dating. It’s been real. It’s been fun. It hasn’t been real fun.
Shocking News of the Day: I have closed all my online dating profiles. In fact, I may close most of my social networking accounts as well.
I would love to be able to tell you it's because I've met the future Mr. DatingisMiserable but mainly it's because 1) I'm insane and 2) as ironic, or perhaps hypocritical, as it may sound I'm sick of having everyone know everything about me and vice versa.
For example, by reading through my online profiles you will find out these (un)interesting bits of information about me.
- I am currently watching Teeth.
- I went to see The September Issue with my friend Rachel today.
- I have a ton of fresh homemade chocolate chip cookies in my house.
- I'm throwing a pub crawl this weekend.
- I sang Sunshine Day in the shower this morning.
- I broke up with The Lawyer via text.
Prior to going on Date Night with Stephdub, Stephanie and I got together and had an interesting discussion about (this is the very summed up version) how social networking is really just another form of stalking which makes internet dating not for her. I wish I could find the blog post she wrote about it over at Stephdub.com because it was pretty brilliant. (Steph if you read this link me!!). I had been thinking a lot about what we talked about since I was on her show but didn't really connect it all until today.
This evening while texting with a person of romantic interest, I found out he was at dinner. Through all of the social networking sites I found out what he ate, where he went, who he went with, and approximately what time he arrived. At this point I should point out I was actually NOT looking for this information. I was just surfing the internet. I felt like a stalker and I wasn't even trying to.
On top of that, when I went to a movie with my friend Rachel she told me 3 stories I already knew from Twitter.
Feeling like a stalker lead me to start thinking about the other main thing I do on the internet. NO NOT PORN YOU PERVERTS, date. I started cataloging all the men I met on the internet: The Guatemalan, The Rock Star, Brohammer, The Lawyer. You know what they added up to? Absolutely nothing. So why was I still doing it? I thought about it for awhile and couldn't figure it out so I disabled all my accounts. A little rash? Maybe but either way no more online dating for me.
About
- I live in San Francisco, go on bad dates, drink a lot, and spend too much time on the internet.
If there was a problem yo I'll solve it. Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it...or you can just e-mail me.
Try out this online dating site.
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