Sep/0913
You know, there’s a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But they don’t all bring you lasagna at work. Most of ‘em just cheat on you.
I don't find Matt Damon attractive. I mean this as inoffensive as humanly possible but when I look at Matt Damon I immediately think "Did one of your parents have down syndrome?". My rule for Ben Affleck? Once you go J. Lo it' a no-go. I feel like fucking Johnny Depp would involve crying, poetry, a fake accent and a lot of eyeliner. Ryan Reynolds would have to stare in the mirror at his own reflection the entire time. I just can't see the merit of drooling over "hotties" in Hollywood but good lord the things I would do to Alan Rickman if given one hour, the keys to his hotel room, a roll of duct tape, and a bag of Swedish Fish. If I had to nail down one man in Hollywood who embodies my ideal perfect man I would have to say it's Kevin Smith. I can hear all the eyebrows raising around the world so let me explain why I find him so desirable.
1. If you can make a woman laugh you can probably get in her pants.
Chicks dig a sense of humor. It's just a fact. Even if you aren't funny if you can take a joke or laugh at yourself women will want to touch your penis.
2. He wants to fuck his wife.
I think one of the sexiest things about Kevin Smith is that he is so open about how attracted he is to his wife. With the overdose on porn our society seems to be going through I have no doubt in my mind Kevin Smith beats off to some image of his wife. The 50th Anniversary of Playboy showcased several famous directors (Spike Jonez, Michael Bay, Brett Ratner) directing photo shoots about what they find sexy. Kevin Smith picked super heros and his wife (NSFW).
Having dated a million losers who hide me from their friends, refused to commit, or cheated on me it's incredibly sexy to see a man say "This is my woman!!!" and be proud of it.
3. He's confident
Kevin Smith is not the most attractive man in the world but he's miles above being Carrot Top. He exudes this quality of confidence that probably borders more on not giving a fuck that is really irresistible. Being comfortable in yourself is hot boys.
4. He's not just successful he likes what he does.
Sure success and money is attractive but loving what you do? YES.
So yeah...if anyone finds a fat man in a trench coat who meets all the above criteria I encourage you to email me.
About
- I live in San Francisco, go on bad dates, drink a lot, and spend too much time on the internet.
If there was a problem yo I'll solve it. Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it...or you can just e-mail me.
September 4th, 2009
I am STOKED that you are leaving Matt Damon for me.
He married a real girl! An actual human being and not one that has had all sorts of man made upgrades.
September 4th, 2009
Liking this post a lot.
My wife did not marry me for my looks. After exhausting every attempt at winning her over, it was actually helping her with her chemistry homework in college that did the trick ( I was really good with chemistry)
Just be yourself and maybe the right woman will like you for it, or not.
September 4th, 2009
If she’s the right woman she WILL like you for it.
September 4th, 2009
The sad thing is that first you have to let yourself get noticed before “yourselfness” starts dropping women’s panties. This is where most men get stuck, especially below 30, and become either douche bags or tools.
September 4th, 2009
Rogue – totally! His wife is normal looking. Same with Jason Bateman.
My boyfriend likes to take photos of me to masturbate to, haha. And he is definitely a “THIS IS MY WOMAN!” kind of guy. I love it. It rules. It makes me happy because that’s how I feel about him too.
Men like this exist. They are just harder to find.
September 4th, 2009
Eric Mabius (Daniel from Ugly Betty and Steve Rodgers from Welcome to the Dollhouse)’s wife is fucking GORGEOUS but I found this super offensive the other day because I had never really looked at her in any other light besides pretty.
Crystal, I kinda hate you. Your man is pretty f-ing rad…even if he did steal you from us
I”m glad I get to see you this weekend!
Mr. Picklez, women can be stupid. I’m glad your wife wised up. Brains are totally sexy.
Rogue, I am ignoring you until you say you’re coming to Girls’ Night. ♥
September 5th, 2009
I SO need to hook you up with my brother’s roommate. His name is Lucas, he’s a chef, an absolute SWEET HEART, single, and shares a striking resemblance to Silent Bob (when he wore his hair longer)
September 5th, 2009
As long as he keeps his hair shorter we have a deal Tanice.
October 31st, 2009
Amen.
October 31st, 2009
Amanda,
What a pick-me-up. I am not married, so I can’t say I still want my wife, but I have several K. Smith-esque qualities going for me, so it’s good to hear I’m not out of the game yet. It seems that if you’re not an attractive man, you’d better be able to make ‘em laugh or play in a band.
http://www.explosm.net/comics/897/
Now all I need is a trench coat, boom box, and a wingman.
Toolbit out.
October 31st, 2009
I have been saying this for years! I always get crazy looks when I tell people that Kevin smith is the celebrity I would do! He’s amazing and I find him incredibly attractive.
November 1st, 2009
I don’t sport my trench often enough…
I am also moving to Charleston, SC…
However, I am a man of stout stature and I am the first to laugh at myself!
There are many of us out there… Unfortunately, most are too afraid of being proud of who they are!
Since finding my confidence a few years back, I just wanted to say that I have noticed the increased reaction from the ladies!
Great post!
Women like you kick ass!
November 1st, 2009
I couldn’t agree more! Kevin Smith is so at the top of my want list!! From his devotion to Jen & his panty-wetting (in more than one way) sense of humor, I would love to spend a few hours with this man. Too bad, it would probably be spent smoking a bowl and not getting to the sexy times. Either way, I’m game!!!