Do you want to play a game? « Dating is Miserable

3Sep/0913

Do you want to play a game?

Last night my friend Phil and I went to see Cheap Trick, Poison, and Def Leppard. Excluding Bret Michaels having the worst drug voice of all time, the concert was fantastic. Sitting in front of us at the show were two couples in their mid 40s heavily intoxicated with no signs of slowing down on the alcohol consumption. Throughout the show each couple was heavily making out and grinding against each other like it was prom night on armageddon and someone spiked the punch with ecstasy and Viagra.

Watching these couples made me a little depressed with my own love life. After all these years here were two couples who could make it work and still have a spark. Until I remembered the infamous words of Kevin Smith, "No married man kisses his wife like that". I nudged my friend Phil and asked "How much do you want to bet neither of those couples are married?". Phil disagreed with me and insisted the couples probably had sex for the first time to the tunes of Poison. Sure enough not one person in the group was wearing a wedding ring. Married people just don't get wasted and grind up on one another. Add another point to my Reasons Why I Should Become a Crazy Rat Lady list; it seems no one can make it work anymore.

Thankfully my "woe is me" attitude topped with a "fuck it" mentality is carrying across to the rest of my friends. I knew if I bitched enough about the lack of good people in this city my friends would start hating the opposite sex too. I've received numerous texts, e-mails and IMs today from my tribe retelling the tales of heartache and studidity that I tell here every single day. People are fed up.

The frustration that seem to be emanating from my group of friends got me thinking. Why aren't my friends all together? My friends are all smart, good looking, talented, happy, fun people. So here is my new plan. All my friends who hate dating should comment on this post and I'll set you up with another one of my friends I think you'd be compatible with. You won't have a say in it. You just have to marry them with no questions asked. I will coach you both through the entire relationship, plan your weddings, and babysit your 6 children any time you want. The only thing I want in return is to be invited to holidays and to be called Crazy Auntie Amanda by your kids.

Yes?

Misery loves company:

Tagged as: Dating, Friends, Weddings Leave a comment

Comments (13) Trackbacks (0) ( subscribe to comments on this post )

mr. Picklez
September 3rd, 2009 - 17:14

I am not a friend and I am also married so i am excluded from this game.
but why not get together in a circle and play spin the bottle, only except kissing you exchange marriage woes. Sexual preference should also be excluded
amanda
September 3rd, 2009 - 17:17

I like that idea much better. I adore all my lady friends. I wouldn’t mind being stuck with them for life and raising David Crosby’s children.
Rogue
September 3rd, 2009 - 17:34

I hope you have hot friends, I’m picky as hell. ;0)
Tony
September 3rd, 2009 - 19:39

No offense, but you might not be the best person to give the advice seeing how you pick a lot of a-holes. No offense. I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt that maybe taking a step out of the relationship and matching other people up is your forté.
amanda
September 3rd, 2009 - 20:41

I’m actually pretty good at helping the love lives of others. My own is the only one I can’t seem to get right :-/
Tanice
September 4th, 2009 - 00:01

Sounds like a fun game. Too bad I just got hitched… and I live in Canada.
amanda
September 4th, 2009 - 00:07

Well if it doesn’t work out Tanice (I’m kidding..omg don’t listen to me!!) I know a lot of my friends would move to Canada!
mr. Picklez
September 4th, 2009 - 04:39

Canada is the new california
Peter
September 4th, 2009 - 05:38

That concert line-up is AWESOME.

I have a sneaking suspicion that my future wife better look out any time she bends over to take something out of the oven.

(That came out a little more growwwllll than planned.)
Judy
September 4th, 2009 - 08:01

I’m married and although I don’t drink, I still grind up on my husband! He still slips me the tongue on the regular. And do you follow Kevin Smith on Twitter? He’s been with his wife for ten years and tweets about all the hot sex they still have and how insanely attracted he is to her.

Marriage isn’t the kiss of death people want you to think it is. It only is if you allow it.
amanda
September 4th, 2009 - 11:21

Peter let’s get married.

Judy I hope you guys stay like that too. I don’t think it’s a death sentence but most people do which is really really sad. I’m totally following Kevin Smith now and writing an entire post about how I think he’s the perfect man.
Lynn
September 4th, 2009 - 13:12

I just found your blog…it’s awesome. Sadly I live in Dallas (for now) where dating blows because every good christian person gets married at 21 and the rest have hideous southern accents and say ‘fixin to’… and I don’t like either. Need to move back to SF…. sorry, rant.

I have a cute guy friend trying to find the girl for him in SF (i.e. match.com, eharmony, desperate.com, etc) – maybe you’ve met him along the way. If not, he will make you laugh, at the very least.
drunkenhousewife
September 14th, 2009 - 22:47

I’m married, and on the rare occasions we have a babysitter, we get drunk and grind up on each other. The mark of a really great date night for us is that we get trashed and have sex in a public bathroom. I’m also in San Francisco… There are plenty of us in our forties who are still sleazing it up. I think the secret is that we’re on our second marriages.